The Theory of Relativity In Words Of Four Letters Or Less

Posted on December 17, 1999 by Patrick Connors

by Patrick Connors

Have Trouble with Einstein? Here’s the Theory of Relativity in words of four letters or less. There might be a quiz.

The pointer came from Have Browser, Will Travel

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The Truth, The Horrible Truth, About The Lives of Writers

Posted on October 6, 1999 by Patrick Connors

by Pat Connors

So there I was, bored and surfing, when bopping from site to site to site, I wound up on the Harlan Ellison Web site.

Which is, I hasten to add, not maintained by Harlan Ellison, but by a fan, and is a damn good site.

There’s a section on that site called “Rants”, which is also not maintained by Harlan Ellison, or as far as I know, even contributed to by Ellison. So I go read it – I mean, what the hell, this guy is volunteering to run a Web site to help Harlan Ellison’s career along just a little bit more, he deserves to rant. It is, after all, his nickel. There on the Rant page is this guest rant that should be required reading for all new writers – or even anybody thinking of becoming a writer.

Go read it.

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Fake Memo about Superman’s Vision

Posted on October 5, 1999 by Patrick Connors

From McSweeney’s

Try this.

I havn’t completely grokked McSweeney’s yet, but I am impressed. Give it a try.

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They Write the Right Stuff

Posted on August 12, 1999 by Patrick Connors

I work at a nuclear power plant because I wanted to learn software quality control.

It’s been two years on this project and quality control is just now beginning to be implemented.

Maybe I should have gone to work with NASA’s on-board Shuttle group instead. They’ve got it right!

– From Fast Company issue 6

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Star Wars: The Phantom Menace: The Abridged Script

Posted on June 15, 1999 by Patrick Connors

by Pat Connors

“Finally DARTH MAUL shows up for a prolonged fight sequence. Darth wears black boots, a black cloak, a black shirt, has a red lightsaber, wears red and black face paint, and has horns. He is EVIL.”

Read the whole script!

Warning: Although this is a satire, it contains spoilers for the movie.

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Heroic Stories

Posted on May 6, 1999 by Patrick Connors

by Patrick Connors

Tired of all the bad news in the world?

Take a minute to sign up for Heroic Stories.

You’ll be glad you did.

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A Different Kind of Enlightenment

Posted on March 26, 1999 by Patrick Connors

by Jon Katz

Slashdot: A Different Kind of Enlightenment

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Meet Seanan

Posted on January 16, 1999 by Patrick Connors

There’s this crazy woman in my life.

She’s not named Nancy, but that’s a different story or two.

Seanan McGuire – actress, organizer, singer, cartoonist, performance artist. I’m sure she has a paying job or three as well, but she’s been too busy living all of these other aspects of her life, three and four at a time, for me to notice.

A good sort of crazy. We can use more good crazy.

What I didn’t know about Seanan was that she writes this humor column. My first Phouka arrived in the mail last October, forwarded by a mutual friend.

I was hooked immediately and signed right up.

Good stuff from a great Crazy Person.

Enjoy.

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Huh? Alien Wine?

Posted on January 13, 1999 by Patrick Connors

by Patrick Connors, editor, webmaster, bon vivant

So what’s this alien wine business, anyway?

Have the Martians taken over Napa Valley?

Not exactly.

AWC is commentary, humor and stories from the science-fiction community. As a group, we’re interested in nearly everything, from ancient sword technique to modern pro wrestling, from illusion to politics (which are much the same thing).

Good writing, good art, and yes, food and beverage as well.

Where’d the name come from? Well, I cartoon on occasion, and got silly one day…

CARTOON: (the original is unavailable at this time)
PANEL 1:
CLOSE-UP of a KLINGON. Dialogue: GAK! RETCH! P’TUI!!
PANEL 2: TWO-SHOT: Now we see the WAITRESS taking the Klingon’s order. We can see the table and the menu as well. The waitress is a complete pro. The nice uniform, the waitress smile. She’s completely unaffected by the Klingon or his order. And she asks him: And to drink with that, sir?

Now the cartoon was supposed to end there. Just a nice little commentary on Klingon culture as perceived by a Terran who barely speaks the language. But the random scrap of illustration board I was using had space for one more panel. So in a moment of silliness, the cartoon got extended:

PANEL 3 (this panel is all words): Which leads to the question: What wine goes best with Gak? Find Out! Read Alien Wine Connoisseur!

The name grabbed me, I was thinking of starting a ‘zine, and here we are.

Have fun! Keep those cards and letters coming!

Patrick Connors

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